On becoming a mommy...and purpose.

I had my baby girl, Anastasia, 7 days ago. My life is forever different, really.

For some reason I always remember this scene in Sophia Coppola's film, Lost in Translation, with Bill Murray and Scarlet Johansen (sp?). They are both lying on the hotel bed in Tokyo and Scarlet's character is asking him questions about being married and about the responsibilities of fatherhood, yada yada yada. Bill's character is attempting to explain the overwhelming feeling of fatherhood and he does this by stating specific words. He describes the feeling before the birth of the child and then explains how differently one feels after the birth of the child: (something like this, can't recall it verbatim) "Your life, as you know it, is over."
This particular dialogue in this particular film has petrified me for years! Well, at least for as long as the movie has been out. This phrase rang true with me on so many levels and I always came back to it when I thought about having children before I was married and even after I was married. I feared my life would be over in general, I suppose. Perhaps I believed my initial purpose in life would be non-existant? Who knows...

Presently, I definitely have a perspective that I didn't have those long 7 years ago...Having Anastasia (although only for one week) has changed my life: the life I lived before delivery is over (as Bill suggested), but much to my surprise, I'm kinda happy about it. There was essentially something missing in my life this past year, and the thought never occurred to me that it might be having children.
Having tried to explore who I was these past few years-and then some-I am now excited to see what I learn from this precious being who will shape and mold my life in the weeks and years to come. And as far as my initial purpose in life, it's still there. It might be on hold for a bit but I'm thinking Anastasia will catapolt me back onto that path and motivate me beyond my capacity.

Until then....